The NY Times published a poignant story today about a wife who's left with making the arrangements after her beloved husband passed suddenly and quickly from kidney failure.  Her husband, Robert, was not a Catholic.  However, Paula the wife was Catholic.  The article is written in the first person and tells the tale of a wife suddenly left to make difficult and permanent decisions about her husband's final resting place.  The article begins with Paula and her sister Joan at Holy Family Monuments in Farmingdale, NY.  They are there to purchase a headstone, a requirement for those buried within the Diocese of Brooklyn NY.  The reader is able to capture the sense of feeling overwhelmed with the myriad of choices concerning a headstone.  Decisions about color, shape, size, an epitaph, have to be made.

"Robert and I hadn’t seriously discussed plans for our deaths, such as where he might want to be buried. But I’m Catholic, and we both have relatives at St. Charles, so it seemed the obvious choice. At a time of such extreme upheaval and sudden decision making, obvious choices are very appealing. I bought a plot for two, along with a single headstone for us both.

Deciding on the stone was just one of many decisions I faced. There was also the color of the granite; the choice of etching, hand-carving or sandblasting; which lettering style; and what to write for the term of endearment and the epitaph. The whole process took more than two hours, and we were the only customers in the shop."

As I read the article, I couldn't help but feel sympathy for this wife and her sister.  In the midst of such sorrow, they were faced with so many decisions.  It's not clear from the article how Paula has come to terms with the passing of her husband.  As a funeral director, I've witnessed similar situations and felt tremendous sympathy for the family members.  Under these circumstances, I try to help in any way possible with the decision-making process.

The story illustrates the importance of discussing these difficult issues with a spouse and/or family members.  No one enjoys these discussions, but they are necessary and unfortunately inevitable.  Perhaps an earlier discussion and the formulation of a plan may have alleviated some of the grief and anguish.